Mid summer blahs

Here it is mid summer plenty of time to do stuff just not enough money to do them. Just got one more year of school if all goes well. Been missing my sister a lot lately. Little things I do all day will bring up memories of her. Today it was getting a soda. She used to like to drink Pepsi or Coke with lime in it. I remember saying it was better if it wasn't diet it had to be the real thing to taste the best. We used to talk about so many things about our kids. We both worried about children and how they would make it through their teen years when we had less control of what they did. So today I drink Pepsi real Pepsi with lime in it in salute to my sister and good friend. Love you Karen .

Guilt

Guilt is an awful thing, some days I feel very guilt ridden. I don't know why but today is one of those days. I think it is because Megan called and of course I miss her and the kids an Reid so much but she wanted to know some things about her dad. And we'll maybe I told her too much. Why can't she think he is a super hero who am I to keep her from feeling that way. I feel guilty because the day before he died he wanted me to bring Megan and the other kids to South Jordan to visit him for Megan's birthday. And I wanted to win the war I wanted to be the one to say no for once so he said maybe tomorrow I said no you come and get them. And then he died I denied them the chance to see their dad one more time just because I wanted to be the big man. You should have seen the looks on their little faces when told them he was gone their pain broke my heart. I wish they could had the chance and that he could have had the chance to grow closer together. In the next life maybe.