Guilt

Guilt is an awful thing, some days I feel very guilt ridden. I don't know why but today is one of those days. I think it is because Megan called and of course I miss her and the kids an Reid so much but she wanted to know some things about her dad. And we'll maybe I told her too much. Why can't she think he is a super hero who am I to keep her from feeling that way. I feel guilty because the day before he died he wanted me to bring Megan and the other kids to South Jordan to visit him for Megan's birthday. And I wanted to win the war I wanted to be the one to say no for once so he said maybe tomorrow I said no you come and get them. And then he died I denied them the chance to see their dad one more time just because I wanted to be the big man. You should have seen the looks on their little faces when told them he was gone their pain broke my heart. I wish they could had the chance and that he could have had the chance to grow closer together. In the next life maybe.

How do you say good-bye to a life-time friend, someone who has been with you in some way shape or form since you were born. I visited my sister Karen today, had a hard  time leaving not knowing how much longer she has on earth and if I would get a chance to see her again in this world. but at the same time I hate to hold on to her knowing she is in such pain in this mortal body. She woke for a few minutes before I left giving me the chance to tell her I love her and will miss her.

Florida and Charlie Bear

Florida was fun we went to the beach and played at the playground. We even got to see the Blue Angels do tricks over the ocean. And Charlie was so cute. I miss these guys so much.

here are some  pictures from a party we had this summer. I love pictures of kids eating ice cream.

Okay okay anyone got some more bad news they want to tell me on facebook, I'm primed and ready my white shirts stained and all. Lets just mess it up some more. social media hah more like anti-social media. Lets lay out our dirty laundry but just bits of it now. If someone dies am I going to find out about it the day after the funeral on facebook. My family is so disconnected it's not funny.

cookie monster

Totally cute idea.

update

well here is a little update. mostly all I do is study. I keep thinking this school thing will get easier but it doesn't I feel like my brain left me years ago. I am considering changing my major to Health administration with a health promotion emphasis or Healt administration with a information technology emphasis.
Both could be really good careers and I don't need straight A's to get into them. I just need to talk to the counselor in charge of these programs.