CURTIS

This is for you Megan. you are the only one that reads my blog. If you wish to share with Angela and Nathen you can.

This is my foavorite and last picture I have of you and your Dad that I took. This picture was taken about 0ne year before we were seperated. We went to Snowbird I think and we got in a trame car that took us all the way to the top of the mountain. It was a happy day a day we all spent together.
It's hard for me to keep his memory alive, because even though there were some huge problems I truely loved him. That is one of the reasons I think I didn't even get remarried. I couldn't let go. I kept praying somehow things would work out. Sad, I know.
I wasn't supposed to feel so bad when he died because after all I was the Ex I had to be strong for you kids and no one quite understood me.
To lose your eternity with someone is very painful.
And to watch your children not getting a chance to know what a remarkable man their Father was and I am sure still is, is very distressing.
I always felt I should not talk of him, I always hoped your Grandma Sarah and your Aunt Dionne would help you fill in gaps.
There is a book I read once called Five People You Meet in Heaven. one of the Five lessons he learned was, Lost love is still love. Life has to en love doesn't.
Maybe knowing me I've loved just a little to much, and to many. But when I think of Curtis, which is what I called him, I sitll love.
Some of the most traumatic things we go through in life that shape us to be who we are the most rememberable of events. Remind us about precious life. The night I sat three small children down and had to find the courage and the right words to tell you your Dad had died made me realize just what a wonderful gift he had given me something nobody else could give me and something that nobody could ever take away. I looked at you children every day and saw Curtis.
Life has to end but love doesn't.